19.03.21

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there is in 

the light of 

day or night

some kind of

free fall... 

all directions

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lost the compass

to point to 

feeling seen

to make us

soften in quake

quake of 

day or night

strip the layers away in 

free fall...

find us again

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lost to you

an everyday commodity

cold 

in careless arms

failure

clear as crack of dawn

day or night

free fall… 

but we do not lose magnitude

no love diminished here

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time 

a fragment 

a linear anchor

something to grasp 

hard

like handles 

like sea, like

free fall… 

find me 

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i can hurt

more than this

hearts translucent 

and seen

i do

more than this

i have

free fall…

into nothingness

once more unto the

my friends

-n.nigro 2021




Posted on March 20, 2021 .

regrow your tail

blindfold dances

like body balms

to soothe our

weary bones

i grow tired 

of missing you

seek life

seek heat

seek sunlight matter

regrow your tail

i grow tired 

of missing you

-n.nigro 2021

Posted on March 20, 2021 .

words for broken times... to soothe the heart - yours and mine

listen to this: Mother’s Love by The Vernon Spring

and read these small sips of me:


the parts of you

that meet me here

in intangible nowheres

full of everywhere

all hearts
i had a bad day

the kind that goes back in time

to tear your guts out

with childhood memory

fall hearts


let's sow our seeds

and feed the dirty farmers

in flesh and bone

in blood and dreams

up hearts

i feel you near

in glorious unproductivit

your lizard lives

setting us free

seed hearts
-n.nigro 2021



Posted on February 19, 2021 .

Snow & Dirty Rain

Close your eyes. A lover is standing too close
to focus on. Leave me blurry and fall toward me
with your entire body. Lie under the covers, pretending
to sleep, while I'm in the other room. Imagine
my legs crossed, my hair combed, the shine of my boots
in the slatted light. I'm thinking My plant, his chair,
the ashtray that we bought together.
I'm thinking This is where
we live.
When we were little we made houses out of
cardboard boxes. We can do anything. It's not because
our hearts are large, they're not, it's what we
struggle with. The attempt to say Come over. Bring
your friends. It's a potluck, I'm making pork chops, I'm making
those long noodles you love so much.
My dragonfly,
my black-eyed fire, the knives in the kitchen are singing
for blood, but we are the crossroads, my little outlaw,
and this is the map of my heart, the landscape
after cruelty which is, of course, a garden, which is
a tenderness, which is a room, a lover saying Hold me
tight, it's getting cold.
We have not touched the stars,
nor are we forgiven, which brings us back
to the hero's shoulders and the gentleness that comes,
not from the absence of violence, but despite
the abundance of it. The lawn drowned, the sky on fire,
the gold light falling backward through the glass
of every room. I'll give you my heart to make a place
for it to happen, evidence of a love that transcends hunger.
Is that too much to expect? That I would name the stars
for you? That I would take you there? The splash
of my tongue melting you like a sugar cube? We've read
the back of the book, we know what's going to happen.
The fields burned, the land destroyed, the lovers left
broken in the brown dirt. And then's it's gone.
Makes you sad. All your friends are gone. Goodbye
Goodbye. No more tears. I would like to meet you all
in Heaven. But there's a litany of dreams that happens
somewhere in the middle. Moonlight spilling
on the bathroom floor. A page of the book where we
transcend the story of our lives, past the taco stands
and record stores. Moonlight making crosses
on your body, and me putting my mouth on every one.
We have been very brave, we have wanted to know
the worst, wanted the curtain to be lifted from our eyes.
This dream going on with all of us in it. Penciling in
the bighearted slob. Penciling in his outstrechted arms.
Our father who art in Heaven. Our father who art buried
in the yard.
Someone is digging your grave right now.
Someone is drawing a bath to wash you clean, he said,
so think of the wind, so happy, so warm. It's a fairy tale,
the story underneath the story, sliding down the polished
halls, lightning here and gone. We make these
ridiculous idols so we can to what's behind them,
but what happens after we get up the ladder?
Do we simply stare at what's horrible and forgive it?
Here is the river, and here is the box, and here are
the monsters we put in the box to test our strength
against. Here is the cake, and here is the fork, and here's
the desire to put it inside us, and then the question
behind every question: What happens next?
The way you slam your body into mine reminds me
I'm alive, but monsters are always hungry, darling,
and they're only a few steps behind you, finding
the flaw, the poor weld, the place where we weren't
stitched up quite right, the place they could almost
slip right into through if the skin wasn't trying to
keep them out, to keep them here, on the other side
of the theater where the curtain keeps rising.
I crawled out the window and ran into the woods.
I had to make up all the words myself. The way
they taste, the wy they sound in the air. I passed
through the narrow gate, stumbled in, stumbled
around for a while, and stumbled back out. I made
this place for you. A place for to love me.
If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is.
So how would you catalog it? Dawn in the fields?
Snow and dirty rain? Light brought in in buckets?
I was trying to describe the kingdom, but the letters
kept smudging as I wrote them: the hunter's heart,
the hunter's mouth, the trees and the trees and the
space between the trees, swimming in gold. The words
frozen. The creatures frozen. The plum sauce
leaking out of the bag. Explaining will get us nowhere.
I was away, I don't know where, lying on the floor,
pretending I was dead. I wanted to hurt you
but the victory is that I could not stomach it. We have
swallowed him up,
they said. It's beautiful. It really is.
I had a dream about you. We were in the gold room
where everyone finally gets what they want.
You said Tell me about your books, your visions made
of flesh and light
and I said This is the Moon. This is
the Sun. Let me name the stars for you. Let me take you
there. The splash of my tongue melting you like a sugar
cube...
We were in the gold room where everyone
finally gets what they want, so I said What do you
want, sweetheart?
and you said Kiss me. Here I am
leaving you clues. I am singing now while Rome
burns. We are all just trying to be holy. My applejack,
my silent night, just mash your lips against me.
We are all going forward. None of us are going back.


Richard Siken

Posted on November 1, 2020 .

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i see you

in your red

... and your blue 

i see 

all the parts you peacock 

and all the parts you hide 

i see you in your pain 

and in your joy

i wish your skin would soften 

and you would let breath 

fill every porous river

that leads me to you 

high and deep 

rain or shine 

sleet or snow

hurricane and tsunami

i pulse in you

you pulse in me 

come in again

dear friend 

dear lover

dear seeker of the sea 

-n.nigro 2020

Posted on July 31, 2020 .

little prayer

let ruin end here

let him find honey
where there was once a slaughter

let him enter the lion’s cage
& find a field of lilacs

let this be the healing
& if not   let it be

-Danez Smith

From Don’t Call Us Dead (Graywolf Press, 2017)

Posted on June 7, 2020 .

Isolation, Desolation, Conversation, Restoration: A Collaborative Poem

I submitted a line of poetry in collaboration with over 100 other writers for The New Quarterly Magazine. My line made the top five favorites thanks to the TNQ editors! Read all about it here & the lengthy poem below (my lines are in bold font near the end):

Isolation, Desolation, Conversation, Restoration: A Collaborative Poem

On the thirty-first day, listening to Beethoven’s Ninth repeatedly, I run out of the good scotch.

In the home of the brain, I’ll renege on any treaty witnessed by any god to share another glass with you.

Quartered and stale, the day passed again like a day old loaf, waiting for a rich, savory sauce to swim in before being devoured.

Encountering the stare-eye of Medusa, on a drizzly walk –

one day she was seen running through the streets carrying a pot of fire in her hand.

Beware of knives, especially if you’re uncomfortable with cutlery.

Stale breath, fresh bread, stuck inside with a wild mind. This is isolation nonsense.

On Earth Day, trillions of molecules roamed, attached themselves randomly, unaware humans recasting the planets posture

and when the Universe falls into alignment we will all return as one, or perhaps the opposite is true.

We think COVID 19 is bad news. But what if nothing changes as a result of this?

Remember when we smiled at someone and they smiled back.

Alone outside, wind stings my eyes, releasing waves of loss and hope

how jaggedly we carve ourselves, into the rind of the world.

Wind sharpens our elbows

fold, smooth, measure and cut — oh, oh.

My destiny is to fuse a self from the shards of tragedy.

The wind flew like desperate vultures, turning crumpled leaves to dust.

Out of the bathtub, onto the floor

the fireworks crack like a tooth on ice

bone tiaras for trophy wives.

I hide and paint my nails, underworld red. I am not crushed; this colour blooms from me

the blessed ink seeping into tattered sheets of gold and cream.

And I sit alone, and the hours creep by, and I try my hand at painting, and the colours swirl and create a world I no longer recognize, and I realize that perspective is everything.

Though while I’m of the world inside I’m not in the world:

distancing from social media

sensitivity readers grieve pseudonyms

anchor to whispers

oil the key and choose the room.

The eye of day drew blood and stained the ebbing darkness.

Time aches us old in its slow passage.

Sirens blare across the firmament.

Pull of synthetic harp between my ears,

time of ticking minute hands, the triangle, its knelling..

Dinless days and skinless nights and little lambs eat ivy

dreams break up, like lumps of sugar in a bowl.

He enables me to be my worst self.

Together in heart though six feet apart.

Evil never dies.

In the green room of inevitability Persephone arranges her hair,

sad eyes so wide they’re holding up the sky.

Night might fall several times a day,

the benevolent sun casts no aspersions.

She’s on the brink of this unknown abyss,

Smoke blown into the same still dark as last night, every night, billowing, ballooning, like thoughts turned heavy and lashed rain.

Body erect, as still as a stork; eyes haunted, hiding a fear; heart pounding awaiting release

I opened the door to let out the dog and in flowed the night air – filling me with breath I forgot I needed – ready, set, go – I closed the door and continued on.

Any night of this strange spring coyotes trot together hunting socially down the centre of my street.

Every coyote is a master of the long distance call.

The pomegranates hide under the front steps, shy of the apocalypse and waiting for dawn –

it’s time once again, to be blinded by hope, dizzy with trust,

but not only, as the rain quickened like a sonata changing tempo.

It was a tug, a pull, without loyalties, and I felt my being lean towards it as I thought, “it’s best to turn away.”

Plaiting the long day and night into a rope of twilight you grasp before sleep; 

it required fire, so I lit a candle in my mind—time, the tallow.

I turn the calendar page, again it says, again Wednesday.

At the end of the empty street, & down the darkened aisle,

lost in this sea of sameness, sudden sunlight to set the world in motion

and we stood shoulder to shoulder, watching the world unfold onto itself from the safety of our balcony.

The afternoon snow had second thoughts and left,

the last of the snow melts, revelations of mouldy dog shit but crocuses too.

Ever so rarely, on the rocky Laurentian shield, Nature moves fast.

Spring stumbles into this surreal scene:

Quarantined, I watch a black bird gather nesting material

a flock of sparrows chattering

the white-throated sparrow’s rising repeated call unfurls:

they opened parks and walking trails today. Hurray!

A fool in pyjamas, a beer in his hand

clutches a one-eyed teddy bear

My health! My health! Some Lysol for my health!

Oh life–sweet pleasure dome, my soul has been infected

(In my defense, the cat started it.)

I always suspected that this would all end in some sorta absurdity,

yet I still find it easy to laugh

The phone rings as I am about to scatter a tablespoon of yeast on the surface of warm water

panic pas step by step

Rice Crispy Squares are served every day in heaven.

I wake up to make this place kindness

eternal love adorned by every new love.

Among the heart’s too easy comforts is the first reopened window in the spring

and what happens when pain turns

spring into every new growth, give red a whistle and each handsome woodgrain one caress

Springs the merriment in my heart, with pink sun kisses on cheeks and brow this new May      May

It sways and bows, but never breaks.

The spring peepers are right on schedule, heedless of human lives all bent askew

the deer come out of the dripping woods, their hooves dawn-pointing

a colossal swan with wild eyes, its wings like jumbo sails blowing across a pond

raindrops line up on branches

beyond waving pampas grass frogs sing in mist rising over snowmelt pools

and we exhale in wonder.

Neruda, let me wear your socks, don those downy kayaks to move through rivered metaphors.

Lean into the light and wish quietly upon their bowed heads that their fractured lives be mended right now and now be stretched beyond its mute meaning

gratitude like the phyllaries of a dandelion cradling our flowering hearts in the storm.

As the western hills claim the day’s last sunbeam, the ghost of a long stray hair, escaped from their ancestral funnel, brushes the flank of their hand — felt yet invisible, invisible yet felt.

ssssshhhhh! everyone in the world is still sleeping.

I call the cosmos to my bedside:

it was the blue eye of a blind pony lost in a moonlit sea

and she whispered “All is done, the world is healed; the fight is won, the future sealed.”

Pine needle bed, moss pillow, our luminous room breathes under mighty trees.

What sits here is beyond understanding – so the wish is for a planet full of fish where whales make dictatorships and dolphins are queens, cockatoos have kingdoms and mice direct our dreams.

This happily open place yielding again is

glorious you may think but it hadn’t always been that way.

Breath, death, a wayward feather…nothing is ever irrelevant.

At the top of tomorrow anticipation awaits

and we’ll fall—skin to skin; days dropping as silk to floor.

In the greywalking days we dubbed our bed “the raft” and journeyed on.

Take a breath, soar away, imagine one tiny note of grace:

a dragon that breathes flowers instead of flames.

I’m with you in some other way now. Can you hear us? Our voices tender beneath the searing blur of crisis.

We’re on this unexpected journey, together and yet alone.

Dance to these words, read them, eat them, crunch on the letters; feel them scrape the roof of your smart mouth.

Isolation, desolation, conversation, restoration.

Making do is what we do.

This poem was created by:

Laurie Aikin, Susan J. Atkinson, Lucy Bacon, Jody Baltessen, Joelle Barron, Deborah Beauchamp, Tracy Biggar, Barbara Black, Yvonne Blomer, Carolyn Boll, Eddy Boudel Tan, Virginia Boudreau, Rita Bozi, Sue Bracken, Kate Braid, Dolores Brent, Jan Buley, Pam Bustin, Heather Cadsby, Carroll Calder, Louise Carson, Dell Catherall, Guy Chambers, Myrl Coulter, Maxine Cowan, Donna D’Amour, Heather Davidson, Sandra Davies, Pamela Dillon, Tricia Dower, Haley Down, Katherin Edwards, Kim Fahner, Eufemia Fantetti, Julie Filion, Ingrid Fischer, Suzanne Foreman, Pauline Gauthier, Allison Gibson, Susan Gillis, Beth Girard, Susan Glickman, Georgina Green, Mary Anne Griffiths, Leesa Hanna, Koreen Heaver, Crystal Hurdle, Maureen Hynes, Richard Johnson, Bruce Johnstone, Nancy Jones, Frederick Kraenzel, Fiona Tinwei Lam, Ted Landrum, Genevieve Lehr, James Li, Linda Light, Maya Linsley, Jockie Loomer-Kruger, Carolynn Loopstra, Ralph Lucas, Colette Maitland, Catherine Malvern, Monika R. Martyn, Jenn Marx, John Colin McKenna, Lis McLoughlin, Jane Mellor, Robert Menzies, Susana Molinolo, Cindy Morris, Carol Motuz, kjmunro, Katie Mussellam, Leland Nicholas, Sandra Nicholls, Nicole Nigro, Morgan O’Connor, James Owens, Linda Pearce, John Potter, Heather Rath, Frances Roberts Reilly, Cynthia Robins, Kate Rogers, Bernadette Rule, Aaron Schneider, Linda Schueler, Josée Sigouin, Marlan Siren, Sue Sorensen, Carol A. Stephen, Eleanor Sudak, Roger Suffling, Judy Tate Barlow, Peter Taylor, Carolyne Topdjian, Danuta Valleau, John Vardon, Holly Veale, Owen Wagg, Michelle Weglarz, Valerie White, Erin Wilson, and Elana Wolff.

Posted on June 7, 2020 .

try to write a poem

try to write a poem

[you used to like writing poems]

 try to run 

[it used to make you feel free] 

try some yoga 

[why are you crying] 

try to sing 

-

just listen 

-

breathe 

-

try to dance 

you’re weeping 

try stillness 

-

you’re screaming

-n.nigro 2020

Posted on April 7, 2020 .

how do i dance?

how do i dance when i dance?

how do i dance when i don’t dance? 

how do i dance when i am still? 

Prague 2020

Prague 2020

i do not want to think about myself. i do not want to think about “I”. 

in fact, i came here to be moved and to move. In fact, i came here to be danced and to dance. No “I”s. 

the planet is in pieces 

like cracked eggshells minus yolk 

this body is porous 

like land missing 

my hands are not hands 

my feet are not feet 

what sits here is beyond understanding - 

so the wish is for a planet full of fish

whales make dictatorships 

and dolphins are queens 

cockatoos have kingdoms 

and mice direct dreams. 

I am done with people. Where is this deep disdain coming from? My volcanic body; lava of judgment. I crave distance. I crave honesty. I crave universal care. I see narcissism at the top of the pyramid.

let me be a sphinx to no longer see 

let me be a firefly to light up the sky.

-n.nigro 2020

Posted on March 18, 2020 .

what are you mining for

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osteoporosis+.jpg
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what are you mining for?

insides 

damp & dark

i’m not sure i want to be here

to be seen

by you

i’m not sure i want to be “i” 

what are you mining for? 

shall i label my compartments 

so you can understand? 

weave you a tapestry of all the habits 

you’ve put in me 

who’s words are these?

i don’t want to be near to your 

definition of a woman 

strangled from all directions 

where is the softness 

in you 

in me 

in he 

in she

in ze

in they

in us 

work emotionally | but from a distance 

there is no distancing 

howl ney baa whinny growl hiss bark snort choke moo ribbit cluck 

this task is absurd 

no unitarian will 

no united self 

let there be holes in me 

porous disemboweled transparent 

you need me to make a record of my own oppression? 

and so i ask you - where is the powerful discourse on love? 

make a mockery of me 

i don’t mind

make a mockery of me 

i don’t mind

make a mockery of me 

i don’t mind

& so i give you “a procession of specifically non-human gestures that unfold within my specifically human topography”

-n.nigro 2020

Posted on February 23, 2020 .

and the snow came 

wide dense and deep - to clear it all away 

to signify release 

to remind me I am home…

anywhere. 

there is a grieving when transitioning into a new life

a letting go of parts of you to be able to commit

to new existence. 

yes

you can always return 

but to be here now

with a kind of presence

to really stand here 

there is a loss that happens

must happen

loss and acknowledgment -

and so the last days I grieved

filled deeply with anxiety and fear

some sugar combo to make one sick

today I step forward into this “rewilding” 

I take my place among “the family of things.”

-n.nigro 2020

Malovice, CZ 2020

Malovice, CZ 2020

Posted on February 18, 2020 .

Sam?

malovice 2020

malovice 2020

time 

is slipping through the cracks & i feel guarded

protector of my hours 

protector of my creative limbs 

they can freeze here - set up to ice 

like some Tarkovskian epic.

in a caravan in February - my fingers simply fall off 

in a caravan in February - my heart falls out 

in a caravan in February - my name changed to Sam 

in a caravan in February - i don’t know who I am.

-n.nigro 2020

Posted on February 8, 2020 .

FALL EQUINOX PUBLIC PERFORMANCE ACTION

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Artist Participants:
Lo Bil, Hannah Jeremiah, Nicole Nigro, Leena Raudvee, Johannes Zits.
When: September 21, 2019.
Where: Toronto, ON, CA.
Why: This performance occurred in response to a global call for public performance action from Artist Marita Bullman to mark the Fall Equinox as a celebration of freedom and democracy.

Documentation here by Hannah Jeremiah

Posted on October 16, 2019 .

On Kantor|For Fou

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you are my found object

i reject realism in my life

you are my cuttlefish

& water hen

not all who wander are lost

property is not ours to be owned

feathers equal

memory machines

& books

& looks

& words in

red & blu


let us make happenings

let happenings happen

all the time we need

sits

between me and you

-n.nigro 2019

Posted on July 28, 2019 .

rest well, mary oliver. your words changed my heart.

In Blackwater Woods

Look, the trees

are turning

their own bodies

into pillars

of light,

are giving off the rich

fragrance of cinnamon

and fulfillment,

the long tapers

of cattails

are bursting and floating away over

the blue shoulders

of the ponds,

and every pond,

no matter what its

name is, is

nameless now.

Every year

everything

I have ever learned

in my lifetime

leads back to this: the fires

and the black river of loss

whose other side

is salvation,

whose meaning

none of us will ever know.

To live in this world

you must be able

to do three things:

to love what is mortal;

to hold it

against your bones knowing

your own life depends on it;

and, when the time comes to let it

go,

to let it go.

- Mary Oliver

Posted on January 17, 2019 .

headless lovers

cinque terre 2019

i reply to you

if you’ve taken root

how lucky i am to weep

at trees so madly

you gave a flower

one morning

in the plum yard

it was November

i carried it with me

into December

our feet

floating on the sea

in January

winds whispering for transparency

how surprisingly sharp seaweed can be

when it’s searching for certainty

now s|he gives it

perhaps that's how

love can lay

reciprocally

some endless waltz

between

(you

me

&

the

sea)
-n.nigro 2019

Posted on January 11, 2019 .

let me dance with you

we would meet here tenderly

in the middle

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of the space

wood floor beneath our feet

you would look

a search for clarity

& it would start

my weight into yours

your weight into mine

until we were suspended 

in play

in levity

in joy

in force

in rage

but you would meet me here

this much i know

i would stand on your forearms 

& that would be enough

-n.nigro 2018

Posted on December 14, 2018 .